Thursday Seems Like Monday When Your Days Are All The Same

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Thursday Seems Like Monday When Your Days Are All The Same
2.05.09

John Prine - Long Monday

Oh, I'm not so gloomy really, but something grabbed me this morning as I poured my coffee. Something reached inside and squeezed...

I don't weep so much or very often for all that is lost and gone in my life, I had my time doing that and that time has passed. In fact, there isn't much I've done and known and felt that really is lost. Memory is always waiting for me to open its drawer and rummage around.

But as I filled my unwashed cup, the cup that had the dried traces of yesterday's brew, I found myself tearing up and thinking of how I'd do the same for my old man 25 years ago. "No need to rinse it out," he'd say. "Just gives it more character". The memory stopped me in my tracks, just for a bit, but stopped me cold it did.

It was just a moment, nothing big, and somehow left me proud. And glad.

I wouldn't trade those moments when a flood of feeling washes past my stubborn defenses and kicks me in the ass...I will not give them up, I will not hope for those wild emotions to go away. Not for a second.

It took me years to get a handle on my feelings, and a few more to realize that I would NEVER, really, keep them at bay.

So, I stood there, for a moment, alone in the kitchen, and let my eyes glisten.

It's a funny thing, love is. I know tonight my grandkid will likely throw those little arms around my knees and call me Granpa.

And I will smile and warm and fill with something not that different from the hot flush I felt this morning thinking about my long gone Dad.

I have fine friends these days who more than once will find kind words reminding me of all the good I did and of the decent man I was. I know myself better, these days. I am both good and decent, but once upon a time I doubted that I had so been.

How lucky I am to have not just one ex-wife as a dear and loving friend, but two? Fine women each of whom were once my other half, who still can call me friend, and speak to me with love?

So, thank you to the living for the loving, and thank you Dad and Mom...I miss you...and I'm glad.

2/5/2009
This is absolute beauty, David. Tremendous. Powerful! I have tears in my eyes. Such profundity and simplicity. And such is life. It all boils down to so little, and so much all at once. Terrific!

I think it is so important to have these moments of absolute peace, with everything that has come before, and everything that will come afterward. Life is made up of these moments. There is all the space between, but if we can just have those moments of complete clarity while we stare into our cups of coffee then it makes everything else make sense.

Peace Minto

J

71.161.160.254

2/5/2009
Thank you.

72.79.215.131

2/6/2009
time makes moments into memories and shakes us into waking up, remembering. your remembering moves me deeply dear David. yours in life and song, Lizzie and Dharma

24.2.151.212

2/6/2009
This is so beautiful and honest David. Thanks for sharing.

24.2.151.212

2/13/2009
If just one person reads what you have written, it was worth the writing. Thanks for reading.

64.252.195.59

2/16/2009
Don't forget you still have a little sis too, who for some reason was remembering Ashley Falls and a record player , a vase a flower, and a note left by big brother who had to leave that said I was the only one in the family who understood him and yes I might have been 11 at the time but I still understand.

24.3.49.243

5/8/2009
How touching

66.30.140.122